Paltrow's Tot Apple a Human Computer Ad? 
Insider sources suggest iPod manufacturer paid for celeb baby's fruity eponym as 'ultimate product placement'

HOLLYWOOD-- Showbiz Super-Scooper Larry Lieczelott dropped an A-bomb on the entertainment world today when he told a group of reporters that he possessed "reliable information from a very trusted source" that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were "'handsomely paid" to name their first child 'Apple' in order to promote the computer giant of the same name.

"It's product placement taken to the ultimate, most disturbing level. They've turned an innocent child into a toddling, human billboard," Lieczelott said.

Popstar pop Chris Martin, who has been working with his band Coldplay in an undisclosed L.A. area rehearsal space, could also not be reached for comment.

Apple C.E.O. and company founder Steve Jobs was somewhat reticent when asked directly by reporters to confirm or deny Lieczelott's claim that his company had paid Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin to name their first child 'Apple' in an effort to promote the company's new iPod line. 

"What I can say," the computer pioneer said, "is that Apple has a proud history of pushing the envelope in terms of our marketing and branding. Cutting-edge design and promotion are both part our unique value-add. It's Apple's core competency, and people expect us to do unique and daring things." 

Apple's co-founder, Yoko Ono, was even more vague when asked about the alleged baby-name deal. 

"To lock a glistening red apple into a white box lashed firm with strong, black iron chains and placed in a stark, refrigerated cell would reveal to the world how all women--young and old--are made to breathe leftover air" Ono remarked. She then concluded her comments with a series of unintelligible, high-pitched squeals.

Lieczelott says that the public can expect more details on the baby-name scandal shortly.

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